A Winter's Song
by Izzychase
Summary: OTH/SPN Crossover AU: Dean, Rachel, and Sam spend Christmas together and learn more about each other whilst in winter's embrace. Takes place after "Reflections Road". Rachel/Dean
1. One Fine Winter Morning

Title: A Winter's Song

Author: Izzychase

Summary: Dean, Rachel, and Sam spend Christmas together. Inspiration drawn from Sarah McLachlan's tracks "Wintersong" and "A Song for a Winter's Night".

Feedback: Is very lovely! Reviews are very encouraging.

Author's Notes: This first part is dedicated to all my fellow R/D writers (Miah and Kara) and to my faithful readers, including Bru.

Dean isn't exactly what you would call a "Christmas-y" kind of a guy. Maybe it's the fact that Dad's always been off hunting and left Dean and Sam to take care of themselves and each other, even during holidays, so they never had any Christmas bonding moments like in the old movies such as _It's a Wonderful Life, _or maybe it's because it's never felt like he's had a complete family since Mom died, or maybe it's the fact that Christmas reminds him of all the normalcy that he can never have, but Christmas had never been his favourite holiday. Don't get him wrong; he loves the food at Christmas and he loves getting presents, heck, he'll even change the radio station from his usual classic rock, but overall, Christmas brings back too many memories of loneliness and he always gets a bittersweet feeling towards it. The best thing about Christmas he's ever remembered is that Sammy gave him the amulet on the necklace he currently wears around his neck.

This is the first Christmas he's spent with Rachel though, so this year might be a bit different. He knows that Rachel's got a scheme in her mind about how to spend the holiday. He's seen her shuffle through some of the papers she retains in her backpack, sitting cross-legged in their shared bed, going through pieces of paper and writing things down, and he sees a bit of a gleam in her eye. Whenever he tries to glance at what it is she's working on or asks her, she just wraps her arms around his neck, straddles his lap and kisses him provocatively, which is enough to distract him but he knows that she's planning something. He knows that if she's planning a surprise, she hates having it spoiled, so he figures that he'll just let her tell him when she's ready.

"There's a cabin my parents own up in the mountains that they never go to, it's about a 45 minute drive from Denver in Colorado," Rachel announces one day while they're just back at the motel they're staying in while they're hunting in Montana. The three of them are sitting comfortably on the rug, going through and wiping down and cleaning the weapons in an atmosphere of cozy silence after a successful hunt. "I was thinking we could go there for Christmas, since we won't be anywhere near Kansas or North Carolina."

"That sounds like a good idea. I love Colorado; I've been there a couple of times when I was in college." Sam agrees and smiles at her. Dean likes how his brother and his girl can get along, even though Rachel is like a female version of him at times, but maybe that's why Sam and Rachel can get along, because it's almost like a mirror of the interaction that the two brothers share, except Sam and Rachel seem to bicker less than he and Sam do.

"I don't think I've ever stayed at a cabin for Christmas before," He admits. He's quiet for a moment, remembering all the Christmases dark and lonely when he was hunting on his own, staying in nameless and faceless towns, all indistinguishable from each other in rural America, either sleeping in the backseat of the Impala, with some of the extra blankets in the trunk or sleeping in motels just as unremarkable as the one street towns that he passes through. He's a charming guy, every once in a while he would spend the night with a woman he's been able to charm into spending the night with him, but he's never had feelings for them, and afterwards it feels just as empty and meaningless as the towns he passes through. He glances at Sammy, meticulously organizing their things and sorting them into different piles, and finally at Rachel sitting beside him on the rug, who's reloading a rifle with more practiced ease now than when she had first joined them. He doesn't know what to expect from this Christmas, but the fact that both Sammy and Rachel are already here with him is already a huge improvement. He gives Rachel a charming grin and cocks an eyebrow at her, and she's smiling back.

"Good," Rachel responds, "We'll go there then if you boys are okay with it. Now we should think about what we'll have to bring to stay there for a week."

"That's an easy one," He smirks, pulling her into his arms and playfully nipping at her neck. "Food. Condoms. My Metallica CDs and not the girly stuff Sammy listens to. Possibly a Christmas tree."

"Now I know what _your _priorities are," Rachel jokes back, even as she relaxes in his arms and tilts her head slightly to the side in order to give him more access as he plants soft kisses on her neck. He likes the way her long red hair spills onto her shoulders and tickles part of his cheek as he's lingering on different areas of her neck, and he knows her body just as well as he knows his own.

"Babe, food is number one on that list because I'll need the energy for us to make good use of item number two, especially when you're so insatiable," He nuzzles her neck in exactly the right spot that causes her to giggle. He can see Sam rolling his eyes from the corner of his gaze, but he doesn't care. He likes flirting with Rachel and she also flirts shamelessly back, even if they've been together for a while now.

Sam clears his throat, reminding Dean and Rachel that he's still in the room.

"Do you still have the keys to the cabin, Rachel?" Sam asks Rachel. She gives a brief nod.

"Don't worry; I kept some extra keys and a map so we could get there." Rachel replies. Sam shoots a shy smile at Rachel, touched by her thoughtfulness. Meanwhile, Dean beams at Rachel.

"That's my girl," He says proudly before gently removing his arms from her so they can continue their cleanup from before. "I'm looking forward to this. Thanks, babe."

"You're welcome," Rachel responds. He catches her eye and she gives him the smile that she always gives him when they're sharing a private moment between the two of them and Dean gets a tingly feeling that he's not used to having.

*

He feels a bit panicky because he's never been good at romance; he's comfortable with a rifle and tackling demons, but when it comes to romance, it's a realm that he doesn't have a lot of experience in. He's a lot more comfortable with the 'hit and split' approach; it's much easier to make out with a girl than to actually court her, in his opinion. But since they've met in New York, he hasn't wanted a purely physical relationship with Rachel, and as they've gotten to know each other better and have lived and travelled together, he finds that he's learned so much about compromising, reconciling, and basically how to commit to another person. He's even had to ask Sam for advice on what Rachel might find romantic, in a roundabout Dean Winchester way, of course.

"We've been together for more than a year now and she's not a typical chick. Christmas is a sentimental season, right? Do you think Rachel would expect something from me?" Dean introduces the subject one day as they stop in a town in Nevada, and he's filling up the gas tank of the Impala while Sam is reading a map and Rachel's inside doing their laundry. Sam just steals a glance at him and registers what his brother is actually trying to say.

"Dean, are you trying to ask me what you should get Rachel for your anniversary?" Sam finally says, and Dean sees the smile that's creeping up on his brother's face.

"No way, dude." Dean shoots back. "I'm just saying she's not your typical chick and I've been with her for more than a year now. I want to do something nice for her because she makes me happy."

"You love her," Sam nods while trying to keep a straight face.

"You're enjoying this," Dean responds, giving his brother a glare.

"Dean, you flirt with her all the time. You hold hands with her when we're not in the car. You've even let her drive the Impala on a couple of occasions. She leaves you notes and you smile when you read them. She's the only one who's allowed to take food off your plate. You'll glare at any guy who even dares to check her out. I've never seen you be so serious about teaching someone self-defence as you are about teaching her how to defend herself. And I'm pretty sure that I've heard you two say those three words to each other at least a couple of times, even if you think I'm not listening." Sam smiles back at him. "It's okay, Dean. You can just admit that you love her."

"Yes, I do, and I'm asking for your opinion." Dean gives in and sighs. "Sammy, I'm just not used to this. I'm not some lovesick sap but what I do know is that I want this to be a meaningful Christmas for her."

"Dean, she's just as crazy about you." His brother replies gently. "You just need to give yourself some credit. You already know her; you know what she likes and dislikes. Just trust your instincts and trust what your heart is telling you and then tell her how you feel."

Dean can't resist a smirk. "Trust what your heart is telling you? Man, Sammy, just when I think you can't get any cheesier, you pull another one."

"Shut up, Dean," Sam mutters, rolling his eyes. "This is what I get for trying to help. Fine, you can agonize this by yourself all you want next time."

"Sammy, I'm just kidding." He tries again. "I wouldn't have asked you if I didn't want to know. You're the one who can," He gestures aimlessly, "actually have relationships with women that don't involve sneaking out before they wake up the next morning."

"Dean, I think you and I both know that Rachel was probably just as lonely as we were, growing up. You and I also know better than anyone else that Christmas is awful when you're alone. From what you and Rachel have told me, this is the first serious relationship for both of you, and she probably just needs some indication from you that you won't leave her, that you care about her, and that you'll be there for her. It doesn't have to be something expensive or dramatic; you just need to show her that what you have is real and it's hopefully going to last." Sam replies, more serious than Dean has heard him talk about relationships.

Dean's quiet for a few moments, letting Sam's words sink in and mulling them over before he nods. He's not usually this introspective in front of others, but Sam's touched upon something he's had on his mind for a while.

"I love her so much, Sammy." He admits in a low voice that's husky with barely hidden emotion. "I understand her and she understands me. I would do anything to protect her and to keep her safe because I can't live with myself if anything happens to her because of me, and because of being a hunter. Half the time I can't even wrap my head around the fact that we're actually dragging her into all the stuff we deal with, but I'm selfish enough that I want her in my life and I want her by my side."

"I think she knows that, Dean." Sam replies in an equally quiet voice. "And that's exactly why you just need to voice what you're thinking and your feelings towards her. If you told her everything that you just told me, that would probably mean more to Rachel than giving her something expensive or new."

Dean shoots his brother a smile. "Y'know, that actually made sense, Sammy. That actually made sense."

The two of them just stay in companionable silence for a few moments as Dean finishes cleaning the windshields and windows of the Impala, and they see Rachel emerge from the laundromat. With familiarity, she unlocks the trunk of the car and puts their bag of clean clothes with all their other stuff, and as she's going about this, Dean is again observant about how naturally Rachel seems to fit into their rhythm of life. Ten minutes later, they're back on the road again, traveling to Carson City in Nevada for their next hunt, and he's driving, Sammy's up front beside him, and Rachel is in the backseat this time. He catches her gaze in the rear view mirror and she raises him a sexy smirk. Sam's words come back to Dean, and he's quiet for a few moments, just thinking about the conversation they just had.

He remembers that his mother, Mary had a plain pure silver bracelet and that it had been one of the few items he had left of her. Dad had given it to him when he had turned seventeen, almost like a parting gift, and had briefly explained that it was Mary's favourite bracelet and it was one that she didn't mind wearing on hunts because while it was valuable, its beauty and value were subtle. This bracelet sits hidden inside the Impala because Dean has never found anyone worth giving it to, until maybe now. When they stop at the next stop in Nevada, Dean digs it out and puts it into his inside jacket pocket, close to his heart. He doesn't know how or when he's going to do this, but he has this feeling that Rachel should have it.

*

It's a crisp December morning with tinges of frost sticking to the outside of the Impala and the sun peeking out over the Rockies as they drive towards Denver in Colorado. Jazz is playing softly in the background (Sammy's choice, not his), Rachel's got a soft smile on her face as her notebook is open to the page with the map to her parents' cabin on her lap and Sammy's got a map of Denver open on his computer and they're planning out what they're going to do once they reach Denver while he's behind the wheel and watching for road signs and directions.

"We'll get the groceries after the supplies and we'll put them in the trunk," Sam starts, navigating between the list that Rachel's typed up and the map on his computer. Dean lightly chuckles as he watches his brother apply the same methodical rigour to helping Rachel organize their trip as he does to hunting demons.

"Don't forget we have to stop by the tree farm for a Christmas tree," Rachel reminded, checking her list and peering over the seat to Sam in the back.

"Yep, I have that on the list," Sam nodded. Their eyes met conspiratorially for a moment and Dean pretends to not notice, although their talk about food is going to make his stomach growl soon. In the past few days, Rachel and Sammy have been planning their stay at the cabin together, and while Dean's been to Colorado a few times (mainly for hunting reasons and they were short stays), Rachel just reassures him that she's got it planned out and under control even though he's offered to help.

"_I can take care of everything," She said softly, wrapping her arms around his neck. "It's a Christmas present for you, Dean. I just want you to be able to relax, baby. You've been so tense lately."_

_He sighed because she knows him so well. "I've just got a lot on my mind these days, Rachel. Christmas isn't special for me like it is for most normal people and I'm usually killing evil sons of bitches who parade as Santa Clauses anyways. I don't really celebrate it that much." He settled his hands on her hips, fingers lightly massaging her on her side. "Thanks for trying to doing this for me and Sammy, anyways though, Rachel."_

"_I need this too," She admitted in a lower voice. He looked at her more closely, trying to read what Rachel wasn't telling him out loud._

"_You probably want to step back from all of this for just a few days, huh?" Dean guessed, hands remaining on Rachel's waist. "Did Christmas mean a lot to you, growing up?"_

"_Well, my absentee parents weren't around that much, but I do remember one year, we went to Aspen for the winter holidays," Rachel's voice quieted a bit, lost in her memories. "It was the best Christmas I ever had. Just being out on the slopes, spending time with my parents, not having to be fake or different around other people at school, decorating the tree and opening presents, and just being a normal girl you know? That's why I love Colorado. It reminds me of a time when life wasn't so complicated."_

"_I don't think I even remember what normal is like," Dean chuckles. "Okay, Gatina, we'll go to Colorado and relive some of those normal days." _

_He gives her hips a final squeeze before fondly planting a kiss on top of her forehead. She's still new to the hunt, so she probably needs this more than he does, he thinks. It'll be nice for him to have a few days off and to be able to sleep in, try some sports in the mountains, and spend time with his girl that doesn't involve killing evil sons-of-bitches or researching the supernatural. He doesn't plan on having any Christmas Carol types of moments because he's too old for that kind of stuff now, but he'll take a few days off and let that heal him. _

"All right, Rachel, just let me know where I need to stop," He tells Rachel, lips turning up into a grin as he sees the relaxed and happy look on her face as she recognizes landmarks. For the next two hours, as they get a week's worth of groceries and other supplies for their stay, he's impressed with how much Rachel knows her way around Denver and the surrounding area, for someone who had been living in North Carolina for the past few years. Finally, they begin the drive up to the cabin past Denver, and even Dean is struck by the natural beauty of their surroundings. The majesty of the snow-topped Rockies and the magnitude of the forested valleys that disappear below them as they make the gradual drive up cause him to feel insignificant in comparison and he's silent as they weave their way through. Kansas was very different, and now Dean knows why Rachel's been so excited to arrive here. The flat Midwest that they've been driving through has been monotonous and dull, and Dean feels like he's had vertigo, not knowing whether they were in Iowa or Ohio as they drive on unendingly straight highways broken up by towns that all look the same.

"Just take a left over here," Rachel's voice breaks him out of his reverie, and he follows her direction. A few more turns later, and they pull up to a well-maintained chalet.

"This is impressive, Gatina." He comments. Rachel looks on proudly, eyes lighting up with fondness as they all look at the outside together.

"This is one of my parents' favorite second homes, but this year they're going to be in London," She explains. "They've always asked for it to be well-maintained because we used to come here every year up until four years ago, which is when my Dad had to start going to meetings in London over the holidays."

He parks the Impala and shuts the engine off, helping Sam bring out their stuff while Rachel goes to unlock the door. As they drop things off in the main foyer, Dean can't help but let out a whistle. It's a chalet on the outside, but the interior has been outfitted with all the amenities of a modern hotel. Beyond the open foyer, he sees a generous sized modern kitchen and an eating area, the waxed floors of the living room that stretches out along the back of the chalet, a hallway to the left, and a staircase to the second floor. Rachel's dropped her purse for a moment, and she just walks around the chalet, as if unable to believe they're actually here. They all start to look around for a few moments, before remembering that they've still got to bring everything in. On the way back to the Impala, Rachel squeezes his hand with both of hers and plants a soft kiss on his cheek.

"Dean, I haven't been here in a few years and it looks just like how I remembered it," She tells him happily. "I'm so glad we're here."

He softens. "I know you are, babe."

He gives her an uncharacteristically sweet smile which she returns with one of her own, before they continue to unload from the trunk of the Impala. The crisp and cold mountain air feels refreshing in his lungs and as he breathes it in, Dean promises himself that he's not going to let the angst of past Christmases, including ones spent reassuring Sammy that Dad is going to come home on time get to him this year. Ever since he's met Rachel he's been much happier and seeing how excited she is about being here in Colorado, he's willing to give Christmas another chance, but the fact that his Dad is still missing hurts and he's not sure that Christmas would ever be complete without his father. However, he has Sammy and he has Rachel, and that's not a bad start.

As he finishes bringing the rest of their stuff in, Sammy's helping Rachel carry things to different rooms but when Rachel spots him, she comes over and takes him by the hand,

"Come on," she urges him up the staircase. "I've given Sammy the guest suite so that you and I can stay in my old room,"

He sees Sam's bag in the guest room as they walk down the hallway, and he stops when he sees Rachel's old room. It's at the back of the chalet, with a big window overlooking the valley below, the treetops delicately decorated with snow and he can see the city of Denver gently nestled in the mountains. He sees Rachel's bag there already, sitting on a bench underneath the window while the queen-sized bed is angled in the corner with a perfect view of the picturesque scene below.

"It's got a great view- you must have missed this when you were in Tree Hill," He says, looking around. All of a sudden, Rachel's a bit shy.

"Well, Dean, you and Sam are the first people who've been here who aren't my immediate family, and I've never had anyone sleep in this bed with me, despite having a reputation for being a slut in Tree Hill." She admits softly. He's touched by her telling him this, because he knows Rachel has a hard time letting people in. In a gesture that surprises him, he draws her into his arms before deciding to ease the seriousness in the atmosphere between them,

"Well, Ms. Gatina, there's a first time for everything," He wiggles his eyebrows in what he knows is a suggestive way, glancing between her and the bed behind them. She laughs and lightly hits him on the chest.

"Well, I guess the bed hasn't been _properly_ christened if we haven't slept together in it yet," She concedes, she leans in as if she's about to kiss him, but she backs away at the last minute, "Sam's still downstairs and we still have to unpack our stuff before we can do anything."

He gives a soft groan and complains that she's being a tease, but she gives a kiss for real this time, promising that they'll make up for it later. The rest of the afternoon passes by with ease, and he and Sammy get to see the rest of the chalet, even the hot tub on the back deck. Sammy's at ease and relaxed, and Dean hopes that one day, Sammy can find a nice girl who will appreciate all of his qualities and maybe they can all stay for a few days at a place like this and just chill- it definitely sounds like an appealing kind of a life. Dinner is nice and informal; they bought some steaks earlier that day and while Dean isn't the best cook in the world, he can make a decent steak and he volunteers to cook for Sammy and Rachel. They share the meal, enjoying each other's company and talking about what they'll do for the next several days.

"I want to decorate the tree tomorrow," Sam pipes up. "I love decorating Christmas trees and we don't get to do that a lot,"

Rachel nods in agreement and Dean is forced to hide an amused smile behind a bite of his steak. He rarely gets to see Sammy and Rachel equally excited about the same thing and to see their eyes light up as they talk about how to decorate a freaking Christmas tree is quite something.

"I think we should get the snowshoes out of the shed and go snowshoeing and we can even drive to the ski hill and do some skiing." Rachel muses, tracing patterns with her fork on her now empty plate. Dean rarely got to cook for her but seeing her enjoy something he had made brought a queer flutter to his heart. Dean had to give himself a bit of a shake because since when did he get tingly girly feelings just from watching his girl eat? He figured it was probably just the shift down a gear into vacation mode. He perked up as he listened to Rachel describe the ski hills in that area and volunteered,

"I haven't been skiing or snowboarding a lot, but I'd love to go."

They make plans to go snowshoeing tomorrow and skiing the day after, and that brings them to Christmas Eve and Christmas Day. After all the planning, they decide to call it a night because it's been such a long day. Later, Dean crawls into bed beside Rachel and when he sees how comfortable she looks all snuggled up in the blankets and her vibrant red hair splayed all over the pillow he gets a soft pang in his heart. He can't help but observe how beautiful and peaceful she looks when she's asleep and it's hard to believe that despite living through the chaos and danger that marks their lives, Rachel is still innocent in so many ways, even if she would never admit it to herself or to him and Sam. He wants to protect her as much as he can and with this thought, he ends up spooning behind her, bringing her closer to his chest and wrapping his arms tightly around her. He listens to the rhythmic beat of her heart, nuzzles her neck and lets her long red hair tickle his cheek, settles his hands on her waist, and pretty soon, is fast asleep, dreaming of Rachel wearing a silver bracelet on her wrist.

*


	2. A Winter Song

Title: A Winter's Song

Author: Izzychase

Feedback: Is very lovely! I love getting reviews.

Summary: Dean, Rachel, and Sam spend Christmas together. Inspiration drawn from Sarah McLachlan's tracks "Wintersong" and "A Song for a Winter's Night".

The heater and the radio are on with jazz music (playing softly as he and Rachel are making out in the back seat of his Impala while Rachel is nestled comfortably in his arms. They had planned to go for a drive that afternoon but Dean's decided to park the car instead at a scenic spot where they could see the Rockies and the valleys below for miles and tug them both to the back seat. She's making the soft little noises that he loves to hear as he's kissing her gently, letting him know that she likes what he's doing. He can't help but think that even though it isn't particularly warm or comfortable in the Impala, the moment is perfect.

"My gorgeous Rachel," He whispers in between kisses.

"Are you going somewhere with that thought, Winchester?" She asks him teasingly. He can feel her smiling as she says it and he pauses long enough to make eye contact with her. He took a deep breath, knowing that he doesn't usually show his emotions or be open about his feelings so easily, but maybe it was the beauty of the quiet winter landscape around them, or Rachel's warm brown eyes twinkling teasingly at him, or maybe it was the tranquility that was in his heart at this moment, but Dean continued on.

"I love you so much, babe." He told her sincerely. "You mean so much to me that no one else comes even close. What I felt for Cassie,"

He stops as he feels her stiffen in his arms. He never asks her about any of her ex-boyfriends if Rachel doesn't tell him about them, but Rachel knows about Cassie and knows that he's been with a lot of women before her. He's hoped that after all this time Rachel would understand that she's the only one that matters now, but evidently this is a topic that they still haven't been able to resolve together.

"Dean, I'd rather not talk about all the other women you've been with," She admits uncomfortably and she looks down without meeting his gaze. She tugs him back up for another kiss, ready to get back to what they were doing before, but he's not done.

"Rachel," He begins softly, "What I was going to tell you was that I've never had such strong feelings for anyone before and while I dated Cassie for a few weeks I've never opened up so much to anyone before I met you."

Her chestnut brown eyes gaze into his but she's relaxed in his arms, which is better.

"I know that- I trust you and I love you. I didn't even believe that I would ever commit to anyone a few years ago but you changed all of that. I just don't like being reminded of all the other women you've had." She replies back softly in that tone of voice that tells him that it takes her a lot to even admit this.

"Rachel," He begins again, taking another deep breath, "I may have been with other women physically but you're the only one who has my heart. I've let you in and I'm not used to being open with anyone other than my family and Bobby. You're the first girl whom I've introduced to Bobby, who's almost like a father to me, and you're the first girl I've ever wanted to introduce to my whole family. I want to be with you and I want everyone to know that I love you and that I'm serious about us; we are serious."

He holds his breath; not knowing where all of that suddenly came from, and he's wondering if he's scared her off, while the silver bracelet that's in his jacket feels like it's burning a hole to his heart. However, Rachel gives the barest of nods, and she takes a deep breath before she kisses him again, her lips crashing down on his and fingers weaving through his hair. The intensity behind the kiss thrills him so Dean gathers her up and brings her closer to him. Rachel had told him that she trusted him and loved him and he wouldn't soon be forgetting that. In a few moments, he wants to start up the car again because the backseat of the Impala is getting cold, but he takes this moment and just enjoys it because he and Rachel don't get to have that many heart-to-heart talks and he rarely lets his guard down so much around anybody. He's never imagined himself saying these words or being Mr. Romance, but this week in Colorado is beginning to heal him in more ways than he could have imagined.

*

When Dean woke up, he was surprised that Rachel wasn't in bed beside him. After their heart-to-heart conversation, they had driven back to the cabin only to find that Sam had gone out for a hike, leaving the cabin alone to themselves. Dean had carried Rachel up to their room and they had fallen onto the bed as a tangle of limbs, unable to separate themselves from each other as they kissed. He smiled when he remembered their heated skin coming in contact with each other, the way Rachel had gazed deeply into his eyes with love as he had entered her, and how they fell asleep afterwards entangled in each other's arms and his hands threading through her deep red tresses. He sat up, looking around for Rachel, only to see her dressed in one of his t-shirts, curled up in the bench underneath the window, and crying as she looked out at the snow falling gently outside. He got up and knelt beside her, putting a hand on her shoulder and another on her knee.

"I'm sorry, babe; this was probably too much and too soon." He said, not knowing what else to say. He had meant every word of what he said but he knew that he and Rachel still struggled with opening up to one another and that they both needed some space to process afterwards.

"It's not," She mumbled back.

"Then why are you crying?"

"My normally absentee family at Christmas crap and tired of being alone all the time. The scary "meet the parent" thing I'm going to go through with your Dad when I meet him. Us. My feelings for you." She shivered, wrapping her arms tighter around herself and her bare legs curling up underneath.

"Babe, you must be freezing. Come back to bed," He tugged at her hand. He knew that sometimes Rachel would open up to him and then need some space afterwards to deal with the fact that she had been vulnerable with her feelings; he sometimes does the same. Rachel gratefully accepted his offer and curled back into bed with him, turning to look at him after they were under the covers again.

"Dean, the intensity of my feelings for you scares me sometimes," Rachel began in a low and quiet voice, propping her head up on her hand as she leaned on her elbow. She began to trace some invisible pattern on his chest as she continued her train of thought. "After I returned to Tree Hill from New York, I felt something I had never felt before. When we were apart I felt like I had lost something inside of me and those feelings scared me to death. I used to laugh at my best friend Brooke when she would tell me about how Lucas was the one for her and how she felt like she would be falling apart without him, and I never thought that those kinds of feelings would ever apply to me, but they did. I felt like a part of me was gone because you weren't in my life and I felt like I was going to explode if we weren't together again. Every time we go on a hunt I have to shove the possibility of losing you to the back of my mind because I wouldn't be able to deal with the consequences of it coming true. I put up a brave front because that's the only way I've ever known how to deal with these kinds of feelings, but the truth is, I'm terrified to lose you and the intensity of my feelings for you scare me a bit because I never thought I could love someone so completely and utterly the way that I love you."

She's slightly embarrassed now at how much she's admitted and she refused to look up at him, focusing on tracing patterns on his smooth chest and looking at the subtle hairs on his arms but he lay still, absorbing all of Rachel's words. He knew that she loved him and while neither one of them said it all the time, this past week she's shared more with him than ever before, and he's touched. He gently lifts her chin up and says softly back to her,

"You have me, Rachel. You won't lose me." He gives her a gentle kiss. He draws her closer to him, and tells her, "I can't imagine my life without you in it. I tried that when we were apart, but it just kept coming back to you. I haven't been with anyone else since I met you in New York and that for me is huge. I told you that I'm not going anywhere and that's still true."

Rachel gazed at him for a few moments, absorbing his words and taking them in. Her beautiful brown eyes softened and she snuggled closer to him while he wrapped his arms tighter around her, stroking her back and rubbing his hands up and down her arms.

"You know, Dean, no one has ever told me that. I have never felt so safe in my entire life than when I'm with you," She confessed as she gently rested her head on his chest. "I'm not going anywhere either. I may never get to go back to a life that doesn't involve hunting, but I've figured that that doesn't matter, as long as I'm with you."

They stay that way for a while, ensconced in each others' arms as the winter sunlight of the afternoon gently fades.

*

They end up watching _A Christmas Carol_ the next day after supper, after a day of skiing.

"So basically, these three separate ghosts just tell him how messed up he is and how he had better stop acting like a douche but they're not evil spirits? What happened at the end that made him want to listen to them? How would he have known that everyone would just accept the new him?" Dean's asking as he and Sam and Rachel finish watching _A Christmas Carol_. Up until now, the evening had been very relaxing, and it felt like a date night with his arm around Rachel and even the popcorn that the three of them shared.

"Well, he realizes what kind of life he would end up living if he continued on his path, Dean," Sam explains.

"Babe, they showed that right at the end, and you would've seen it if you had been paying attention instead of trying to feel me up the entire movie," Rachel laughs good-naturedly as she sits up straighter and stretches.

"I was paying attention, what I don't get is, what makes him so sure that that he can trust them and how does he just transform into being a decent person practically overnight?" Dean asks, still not ready to let the subject go.

"He takes a chance because life can't get much worse than being alone at Christmas and being unloved." Rachel shrugs. It's not a subject she likes to dwell on.

"This family shit is seriously messed up," Dean complains. "I find it hard to believe that everyone just welcomes him back with open arms without judging him or giving him shit for this."

"They forgave him," Sam explained. "They're giving him another chance and they do it because they love him."

Sam gives a sudden chuckle. "I wish our family was a bit more like that,"

"Yeah, but it's not." Dean replies back, his voice bitter and sarcastic.

"Dean, I know most families aren't like that, but sometimes it's just nice to watch a family that is, you know? It's nice to know that people can turn their lives around," Rachel tries, but he's not having any of it.

It's a freakin' movie, for crying out loud, but seeing how unrealistic the movie is about real life and real family relationships, including his own gets on his nerves. He knows that life isn't like that and he knows that it's so much more complicated than everyone just suddenly forgiving each other for wrongs committed in the past, especially when the scars run deep. He's reminded again of all the empty Christmases he had spent alone while Sammy was off in college and Dad was missing in action, and he doesn't need these painful memories. Rachel rubs a soothing hand over his back, but for once, he ignores her touch.

"Yeah, but our family's seriously screwed up," He snaps. He gets off the couch, and even though it's much warmer inside the chalet, he feels the need to get some fresh air. He wants to get away from all this ritualistic Christmas crap for a while, and he knows that there's a very good reason why he doesn't like to take this holiday that seriously. He ends up shrugging on his winter jacket and going out to the back deck, breathing the cold winter air into his lungs and staring up at the night sky, desperate to rid himself of the memories and feelings of abandonment that have returned. He's only out there for a few minutes, struggling with his feelings before Rachel joins him.

"Dean," Rachel simply says his name and rubs her hand over his back. He doesn't turn to look at her, but continues to stare out to the expanse of snow, trying to cope with the rush of feelings and memories.

"Rachel, I don't want to talk about this right now," He sighs. "I know you're going to ask me to open up to you but I just can't, okay?"

"Why not, Dean?" Rachel asks that one question, and she's standing beside him turning to look at him. "Yesterday you told me a lot of things you have never told anyone. Why is today so different?"

_Because yesterday was the first good day of Christmas I've ever had. _The thought comes unbidden to Dean's mind and it stays there, even as he watches the expression on his girlfriend's face turn from curiosity to concern to something akin to hurt.

"Things with our family are just very complicated and it's not that easy to explain. I'm not even sure I understand it myself," He sighs. "Babe, that movie just brought up a lot of memories, and I'm just trying to work them out."

Rachel wraps her arms around his waist and she leans into him. She looks contemplative and thoughtful, and as he stares at her in the cold winter night, he finds the mature young woman she's become that he's so proud of and the only person besides Sammy who has ever broken through all the walls he raises around himself.

"I believe you," She says slowly. She lets out a breath and looks up at him, "Just don't shut me out, okay? We haven't talked like this for a very long time; in fact, possibly even ever. I know you have a lot on your mind when it comes to your Dad and your relationship with him, but please don't start building walls around yourself again, Winchester, I mean it."

He looks at her earnest expression and how serious she is. He lets out a soft sigh.

"I won't, Rachel. I just need to think this through."

She nods and she gives him a soft kiss on the cheek before turning around and going back inside, leaving him alone with his thoughts and the soft chill of winter that comforts him in its biting sharpness.

*

He's back outside again, getting ready for a walk out in the woods just to think. He ended up climbing into bed after Rachel had fallen asleep and had woken up without waking her up, deciding that he needed to get away by himself to think for awhile. Sammy's up and he's on his computer, and Dean nods to his brother before shrugging on his winter jacket again. He sees Sammy giving him a questioning look but Dean isn't ready to talk so he just keeps on walking. Sammy probably has a very good idea, already. He hasn't walked that far before he hears footsteps jogging up behind him, and he turns around to see Rachel, bundled up in her winter jacket with her beautiful red hair still slightly curly and mussed up from sleep.

"Dean," She said. "Dean, please talk to me. I haven't seen you look so unhappy in a very long time."

He glanced at the pleading look in her eyes, knowing that Rachel hated to be this vulnerable and desperate, but she was worried about him.

"Why doesn't he need me, Rachel? Why can't he see that Sammy's not his only son and that I need him too?" He bursts out. That wasn't how he was planning to tell her, but the feelings of hurt he's felt in the past day are only the beginning of a series of complicated and mixed feelings of abandonment, the unrequited love of a son for an absentee father, loss, and bewilderment. He's always hidden these feelings away and being in Colorado where he's had some distance and time to think more clearly and to unlock these feelings have brought them to the surface, forcing him to deal with them. The question he throws out into the cold winter morning isn't really directed towards Rachel, but she happens to be the closest person there.

"Dean, you don't know that," Rachel tries. He doesn't turn to look at her, still stewing in his own misery. "I know that things with you and your Dad haven't always been easy, but maybe he's doing this to protect you from whatever it is that he's hunting because he doesn't want you and Sam to get hurt."

"I don't need his protection, Rachel!" He can't help but shout back. He takes another breath. "He's my Dad, Rachel. He taught me everything I know about hunting and whatever it is that killed Mom is the same thing that killed Jess and is probably after Sam and I. If more than anything, he needs us and he needs our help."

"Dean," Rachel rubs a hand over his back. She doesn't know what else to say at this moment, so she figures that she'll just listen. She knew why her parents had left her behind, but Dean's family is a lot more complicated than her own.

"He's my Dad, Rachel." Dean repeats. "He's all I've ever had since Mom died and he's everything to me. I leave him messages, but I don't know if he gets them. I tell him that I need him here, but he never replies." He takes a deep, shuddering breath, and he finally lets out,

"I wonder if it's because I didn't grow up to be the man that he wants me to be and he's disappointed in me."

That's it- it's the last secret that he's hidden away deep inside of him, behind his facade and appearance of being a nonchalant and casual playboy with a "throw caution to the wind" attitude. The hand that Rachel has on his back continues in smooth circles and both are silent for a while, just dealing with this new revelation.

"I do everything that I can to live up to his expectations and I do everything I can, but it'll never be enough, Rachel. It will never be enough." He barks out this last sentence bitterly. He feels Rachel's hand on his arm, turning him around to look at her.

"Dean, look at me." Rachel says in a serious voice. "You can't think like that- I know those feelings of insecurity and doubt and once you start telling yourself that, you will start believing it. Dean, I haven't known you as long as your Dad has, but in our one year together I have come to the conclusion that when you do find your Dad, he _will _be proud of you. You've taken up his work and calling, and you've become a great hunter; you take care of Sam, which he's asked you to do; you help people and you save their lives, and he _will _see that."

He stares into her chestnut brown eyes, the same ones that are looking at him resolutely and without a sense of hesitation or doubt and he's quiet for a moment, absorbing all that she's told him. What she says next, however, throws him off.

"Look, Dean," Rachel sighs. "Your dad- I know you love him and adore him, but he isn't perfect. He's going to make mistakes and you can't let yourself keep living in the past, just because of the way he's treated you when you were in your teens. You're not an irresponsible and reckless boy anymore, and maybe that's what he sees when looks at you and that's why he treats you the way he does. You have to give him some space for him to see you as the man you've become."

"Don't, Rachel," He finds his voice shaking. "You have no right to criticize my Dad because you have no idea what he's been through."

"Dean, I'm not criticizing him, I'm just telling you that you're holding him up to a pedestal and that's not fair to both of you because it's killing you, Dean, I can see it. When you hold him up to a pedestal, you will never think you can meet his expectations and then you'll just keep beating yourself up for it. You're better than that, Dean." She protests, gripping his hands, but he shakes them off of her.

"I love you, Rachel, but you have no right to talk about him like that when you don't know the first thing about him." He tells her, his emerald eyes narrowing. She's a hurt by his sudden coldness but she plods on.

"Dean Winchester, you and I both know that when it comes to your father, you're not exactly unbiased or objective." She's stubborn and sticking by her point.

"He's my father, Rachel!" Dean bursts out. "What would you have me do, forget about him, and move on?"

"I don't want you to forget about him, obviously," Rachel replies, frustrated at the lack of progress in their conversation. "But I want you to move on. Dean, Sam and I love you in our different ways and it hurts me that you're hurting because of this. Dean, you haven't seen him in years. You have no idea of how much he's changed and you keep sticking to your ideal of him, and it hurts you because you haven't let go of the ideal. He's just a man, Dean. How he treated you was very unfair and it was undeserved. You don't have to keep on living up to this ideal when he hasn't been around to see how much you've changed and grown."

"You don't know the first thing about what it means to be living up to an ideal because you've run away from responsibility your entire life. I know about the things you did in Tree Hill, Gatina, so you have no right to lecture me on how I should think or feel or move on." He snaps.

He doesn't know where this vindictive streak is coming from, but it's possibly because Rachel's said a few things that hit close to home, even if he's unwilling to admit it.

"That was the old me, Dean," Rachel protests. He can see the beginnings of tears form into her eyes. "It's not fair to bring that up- I've changed and you know that. Dean, I'm not telling you these things to pick a fight with you, I'm telling you these things because I love you and I don't want to see you spiral into a vicious cycle of low self-esteem and destruction because I've been there."

"Go, Rachel." He turns away from her. "You've gone too far. You're just as broken as I am, and you have no right to judge me." His voice comes out harsh and unfeeling, and he's wiping away a stray tear with his hand.

"Dean, I am not judging you! Will you just open your eyes for one second and see what this is doing to you?" Rachel protests for one last time, but he doesn't turn around. He can't deal with all of these emotions that are flooding back, mixing in with Rachel's words. He hears her angry footsteps marching back to the chalet, fading into the distance, but he stays there for a few more minutes, locked with his own feelings and issues. He keeps walking towards the woods without turning back: a solitary figure disappearing into the copse of trees and letting the stillness embrace him. When he reaches the woods, he punches a nearby tree in frustration, and with no one to see him, he finally sinks down against its trunk and cries fully, the sounds of his tears dragging out harshly against the quiet winter landscape.

*

_The air is still within the silence of my room I hear your voice softly calling – Song for a Winter's Night _

When he comes back into the chalet, he doesn't see Rachel anywhere but he sees Sam look up in concern from his book.

"Dean," Sam begins, but Dean cuts him off.

"Rachel and I had a fight, Sammy." He tells him curtly, pouring himself a shot of whiskey from the liquor cupboard. He hasn't resorted to drinking as a way to escape his problems in a very long time, but after the day he's had, it certainly feels overdue.

"I know," Sam replies quietly. "I knew there was probably a reason why she marched into the house crying and slamming her door."

Dean feels guilty when he hears about that- he hates it when they fight and he hates it even more when he's the reason why she's crying.

"Dean, you want to talk to me?" Sammy finally asks, watching his brother. Dean sighs,

"We fought about Dad. She tells me that I have him on a pedestal and that it's killing me and how it's the source of all my insecurities and angst." He sums up quite simply, downing his shot and rolling his eyes.

"Maybe she isn't wrong," Sam ventures cautiously. Dean wheels around on his younger brother,

"Dude, I know that the two of you have bonded and you spend time together, but you're not taking her side on this one, are you? You're supposed to be _my _brother."

"Dean, I care about both of you, and obviously you're my brother, but you know that when Rachel follows her instincts and her hunches, she's usually onto something. Dude, when we talk about Dad, it's like we can't even bring up a criticism about him without setting you off." Sam replies. He gives a sigh of frustration.

"Dean," Sam continues. "You know that I, of all people, hate watching you and Rachel fight because things get very awkward around here when you do. All I'm saying is that yes, Rachel can sometimes say things without tact and she can say things that very unintentionally hurt your feelings, but maybe she's not wrong about this one, even if you won't ever admit to it. I love Dad just as much as you do, but I see him as a human being, not an idol."

Dean slams the shot glass down, angry now.

"Sammy, she's never met him before and she doesn't even know him or what he went through! You were only a baby when all of this happened, but I grew up with his pain and I grew up with his loneliness and desire for revenge. Out of all of us, I might be the only one who knows what's going through his mind."

"Dean, you don't exactly think straight when it comes to him. Look, I know you're pretty miserable because of you and Rachel,"

"You're damn right I am," Dean snaps. "She is supposed to be my girlfriend- she is supposed to understand me, not judge me and judge Dad."

Sam continues, "Look, I know she said some things that maybe you didn't want to hear, but I know she didn't do it to hurt you. You know as much as I do that Rachel never sugar coats anything. What I do know, though, is that Rachel is crying her eyes out because of you, Dean. I know that you don't have any particular attachments to this holiday but you have to admit that Rachel has tried to do everything she could to make sure we both have a good Christmas this year. However you want to deal with Dad on your own is up to you, but don't let yours and Rachel's relationship get destroyed over this. Knowing Rachel, she's not going to let you treat her like crap and if how upset she is today because of you is any indication of what's to come, all I know is that the more you go down that road, you might be spending Christmas without her next year."

Dean's quiet, listening to his younger brother- it never ceases to amaze him that Sammy's so much wiser than his years suggest. He does feel bad because Rachel's tried to do so much for him, and he's letting his anger over his issues with Dad affect their relationship.

"I've seen how happy you are with Rachel, Dean, and I've never seen you this happy before. You make fun of me for being a lovesick sap all the time, but I see your face light up when she enters the room, I see how concerned you are whenever she might be in danger from a hunt, and while these walls are pretty soundproof, don't tell me that the two of you haven't been, erm, celebrating this time off together." Dean finally looks up to see the slight grin in his brother's expression.

"Dean, maybe she doesn't know everything that's going on with you and Dad, but if you're going to let that destroy what the two of you have together by taking it out on her, I can't just stand by and watch because you're my brother and Rachel is my friend."

Sam puts his book down. "I'm going to go for a walk. I've already listened to Rachel cry her eyes out today and I've seen you brood. When I come back, I seriously hope the two of you have come to some sort of an understanding."

Dean makes his way apprehensively up the stairs, and with a soft knock he enters his and Rachel's room. She's curled up in the bed asleep, discarded tissues surrounding her and her beautiful red hair all mussed up and another pang hits his heart. He never wants her to cry because of him, and he feels bad because this chalet tucked away in Colorado is the one place that Rachel feels the safest, the place where they were both going to make some new memories of Christmas, and the place that's helped the two of them open up their entire hearts in a way that was never done before, and now she won't be able to remember this place without remembering that they've also had one of their fights here. He quietly makes his way over to the bed, and he takes a seat, gently wrapping his arms around Rachel and giving her a soft kiss on the cheek as she stirs in his arms.

"Dean?" She asks in a voice that's still surrounded by sleep.

"Baby, I'm sorry," He whispers against her neck, covering it with soft kisses.

She detaches herself from him, and sits up, and she's glaring at him.

"You were a jerk, Dean." She says flatly.

"I was," He freely admits. "Rachel, I..."

"I can't believe you would think I would say these things to hurt you when you're the person that I care about the most in this entire world,"

He sighs and runs a hand through his hair.

"Rachel, I'm sorry for the way I've been acting and I know I've been awful to you. It's just that you have a way of cutting right to the heart of the issue, and believe me when I say the _heart_ of the issue."

Rachel softens when she sees the look of a man who's finally faced the facts and is now resigned to them. She gently takes his hands and settles them at her waist.

"Baby, I know I don't really have people skills. You're right that I don't know your Dad, and I can't judge him, but when I saw how unhappy you were I couldn't help but think that he was a part of the reason. Believe me, Dean, if I knew that you would be so hurt and upset by this, I would have phrased things differently or not been so harsh." Rachel admits. They look at each other in silence for a moment, just processing what's happened.

"Rachel, you weren't necessarily wrong," Dean takes a deep breath, his fingers digging slightly into her waist. "Sammy and I tend to see Dad a bit differently- Sammy's probably a bit more like you, he's willing to criticize him and see situations for what they are, and I probably hold Dad up to an unrealistic standard. What you said back there- I wasn't upset because it wasn't true, I was probably upset because it's an uncomfortable truth that I didn't want to hear."

"Dean, I'm sorry too." Rachel replies. She holds onto his hands. "I probably hurt you with what I said and I didn't mean to lecture you."

He leans a bit closer. "Rachel, I'm sorry I brought up your stuff in Tree Hill. I know that you've changed and you're not the Rachel you used to be- you do take responsibility and you've stopped running away from your problems. I'm sorry that I used your past against you and I'm sorry that I've been such a stubborn and close-minded tool."

She gives a nod of forgiveness and acceptance before she initiates a kiss, gentle and cautious at first, but he deepens it, arms tightening around her waist as her arms wrap themselves around him. It feels so good to have her back in his arms again, and it feels so good that he can be himself and not have to hide his feelings anymore.

"Rachel, I know I still have issues that I have to work out with Dad, but you were right about something. I'm not the reckless boy he's had to train and tame over the years and I've gotten some good hunts in on my own, and I am proud of that." He gives her a genuine smile, and she smiles back at him.

"You have a lot to take pride in," Rachel tells him softly, and then she teases, "not that I need to be boosting your ego anymore, Winchester."

"Babe, my ego was all fine by itself before you came along," He teases back. "Of course, it doesn't hurt to have you boost it every once in a while."

She laughs and she gives him another kiss, warm and welcoming, and he uses that opportunity to gently push her onto her back and he begins to nuzzle her neck, using the opportunity to express his apologies in kisses and caresses instead of words. He's grinning into her neck when he hears her quickened breath and increased pulse, and as his lips migrate from her neck to her lips, he gives a quick whisper of "I love you," to which Rachel responds by digging her nails deeper into the back of his shirt and pulling him down on top of her.

When Sam returns home from his walk, he's barely up the staircase before he hears his brother and Rachel going at it, and he quickly turns around, back down the stairs. They're usually pretty good about keeping it private, but he's guessing that in the heat of the moment, they must have forgotten to close the door and Sam figures it's probably going to be another hour before it's safe to return to his room to retrieve his laptop. As he picks up his book from its spot on the coffee table, he can't help but grin at the dynamics of Dean and Rachel's tempestuous relationship.

*

_Author's Notes: Thank you to all those who have reviewed so far! _


	3. Song for a Winter's Night

Title: A Winter's Song

Author: Izzychase

Feedback: Makes a very happy writer- keep it coming! :)

Summary: Dean, Rachel, and Sam spend Christmas together. Inspiration drawn from Sarah McLachlan's tracks "Wintersong" and "A Song for a Winter's Night".

Dedication: To all the wonderful readers and fellow fic writers who encourage me to write more Rachel/Dean

"You are so dead, Dean Winchester!" Rachel shrieks, as Dean's well-aimed snowball hits her right in the front. Dean simply laughs; a carefree and happy laugh that reverberates through the snowy field and even though Rachel has just been hit by a snowball, she can't suppress the grin on her face. This doesn't mean that she's letting this one slide, though. Rachel bends down to make another snowball, while Dean ducks the snowball that's sent his way by Sam. As the two brothers continue to pelt each other with snowballs, Rachel sneaks up Dean and hits him with a snowball thrown right at the back of his neck, drawing a yelp of surprise.

"Hitting from behind is so dirty, Gatina!" Dean yells back playfully, and lobbies the snowball he was intending for Sam. Rachel ducks neatly, laughing as Dean starts chasing her across the field instead.

They had come back from skiing in a jovial mood- the snow had been powdery and crisp, the mountain air sharp and cold, the skiing trails had been scenic and she and Dean had gotten a chance to go on some of the medium level runs after trying out some of the easier runs the day before. Like most other physical sports he tried, Dean turned out to be quite proficient in skiing even though he had never gone before, partially due to the fact he had excellent aim and reflexes and was a fast learner. After they had put away and returned their equipment, Rachel had lobbed a snowball in Dean's direction, prompting this all out war.

Dean easily catches up to Rachel, stopping every couple of seconds to scoop some snow up and to try to hit her with it, but it's a bit harder to hit a moving target and Rachel turns out to be pretty adept at dodging. He finally catches up to her, and doesn't bother to hit her with a snowball. Instead, he wraps his arms around her waist and tackles her to the ground into the snow, landing on top of her as they're both still laughing.

"That was for the sneak attack from behind," Dean laughs, holding tightly onto her waist, pressing Rachel into the ground and snow.

"You can't hit me with a snowball so you resort to tackling," Rachel responds, playfully shoving at his chest.

"I could, but this is so much more fun," Dean flirtatiously replies, looking her up and down. He's not in the mood to go anywhere.

"If you just want to get on top of me, you don't have to pretend to lose at a snowball fight," Rachel shoots back, winking at him.

Dean scoffs. "Babe, first of all, I didn't lose. Second, if I really wanted to be on top of you, there are much easier ways to go about it,"

Rachel's jaw gaps open as Dean realizes how easily his words can be misconstrued as something offensive, and he's paying for them when she starts playfully hitting his chest and pushing him off of her, her punches punctuated with "jerk" and "I can't believe you just said that!"

"Babe, I didn't mean it that way!" Dean protests, although he can't help but observe how adorable she looks when she's pouting and indignant. "I just meant that this is such a complicated way when I can just go like this,"

At "this", he kisses her lips, and her struggling against him eventually ceases as she succumbs to his kisses and starts to return them. Five minutes later, Sam catches up to them and sees them in the field, engrossed in each other and oblivious to the world around them, and he can't help but groan.

"Seriously, get a room, you two. It's bad enough that every time I walk into the kitchen or living room I have to see the two of you kissing, but now you have to take it outside?" He faux complains. Dean and Rachel both look at up at Sam from where they're lying on the ground and both chuckle.

"He started it," Rachel protests half-heartedly, albeit in a joking fashion. Dean gives another scoff, before slowly getting off of Rachel, and helping her up.

"I thought you were glad that I was opening up about my feelings, Sammy," Dean joked. Sam just gave another groan and Dean couldn't help but laugh.

"Dude, that was before you and Rachel became the PDA couple of the year," Sam responded.

The three of them begin the walk across the snowy fields, continuing their banter, their laughter reverberating through the winter afternoon.

*

"This is a great pie, Rachel," Dean compliments Rachel as he takes another bite. It's Christmas Eve and he, Sam, and Rachel are sitting in the living room. They've managed to put the tree up, taking advantage of Sam's height to hang all the higher decorations, so it's now sitting in the corner all decked out with ornaments and lights. There's a fire crackling in the fireplace and they're sitting on the comfortable couches, sharing a strawberry rhubarb pie and enjoying each other's company.

Rachel and Sam share a grin as they watch Dean savour the pie, and Rachel scoots over to where Dean's sitting.

"Glad you like it," Rachel leans in to give him a kiss on the cheek but Dean turns his head so that it becomes a full kiss on the lips.

"You taste like pie," Rachel laughs and Dean grins. Rachel reaches over, borrows Dean's fork, and decides to feed him the next bite. As Dean accepts the piece, she leans in to give him a complimentary kiss, claiming his mouth and mixing the flavour of strawberry and rhubarb into it. "Good thing strawberry and rhubarb happens to be my favourite kind."

Sam rolls his eyes in a good-natured fashion. He's never seen Dean this playful with anybody before. Dean seems genuinely happy and Sam had been slightly surprised to find Rachel in the kitchen that afternoon, making the filling for a pie until she had told him that she had planned to make a pie for Dean.

"I'm excited about tomorrow," Sam introduces a new subject, before Rachel and Dean start making out in front of him, which he's pretty positive is what would happen if he doesn't interrupt.

"Yeah, our first Christmas Day together," Rachel agrees. She gives them both a contented smile and Dean puts his arm around her. They're silent for a while, slightly tired from the day they've had.

"It's been nice to have these days off because when we're back on the road we won't have all this free time any more," Sam comments. Pretty soon they'll have to adjust back to sleeping in lumpy motel beds, getting up early, driving long stretches of road, not to mention researching new cases and facing new threats. Being in Colorado even just for a few days has been some much needed respite.

Dean's pretty quiet because he's still thinking about some of his previous experiences of Christmas Days spent either killing demons, getting snowed into some town in the middle of nowhere, or drinking at whatever bar is still open. Although he and Rachel had managed to have an honest conversation about dealing with his feelings of inadequacy and guilt, the moments that he's shared here with Rachel and Sammy have quietly begun to take their place in his feelings about the Christmas holiday, and while they won't ever replace all the Christmases he's spent alone, these times he's had this year with Sammy and especially with Rachel have certainly helped to change some of his initial feelings about Christmas.

Rachel's seen the contemplative look on his face, so she does something unexpectedly tender by gently turning his face towards her,

"Dean, are you going to be okay?" She asks softly, and he knows exactly what she's referring to.

"Yeah, babe, I will be." He responds back with a small smile that's quite different from his usual cocky grin. He repeats it one more time for himself, "It will be okay."

*

_And this is how I see you  
In the snow on Christmas morning  
Love and happiness surround you  
As you throw your arms up to the sky  
I keep this moment by and by – Wintersong _

Rachel wakes him up on Christmas Day by snaking her slender arms around him and kissing the back of his neck. He grins as he turns over; his bare upper body is warm from all the blankets and he laces his arms around her, bringing her closer to him.

"Merry Christmas, Dean," Rachel says softly before giving him a kiss. She tastes of soft peppermint and he lifts his hand to the back of her head to bring her closer to him and uses his tongue and lips together to make it a proper kiss.

"Merry Christmas, Rachel," He replies softly after their kiss ends, and gives her a lazy grin. He steals a glance at the clock on their bedside table. "But it's seven in the morning so give me a few more hours."

He turns back to the other side, ready to fall back asleep again, missing the pout on her lips. Rachel's persistent, though. She wraps her arms around him and whispers seductively in his ear,

"But if you come now and open your presents, we can come back to bed and we can give each other another kind of present,"

He's wide awake now and he rolls onto his back. He lets her straddle him, putting his hands on her slender waist as he looks up in admiration at how beautiful she is, totally forgetting about his desire for sleep. The morning sunlight highlights the vibrant red of her hair, brings out the smooth planes of her pretty face, the sparkle of her brown eyes and her soft lips curved into a wide smile, and also draws attention to her toned body with its soft and smooth skin. Meanwhile, the onyx black of her amulet contrasts with her emerald coloured silk bra, and both items do a great job of showing off her amazing breasts. He gives a soft groan; they both know that he's never really been able to resist her.

"You're not playing fair, babe, and you know that's my favourite bra." He grumbles good-naturedly but he's grinning while he continues to hold onto her waist, noting with appreciation that she's wearing matching underwear. "The whole point of a vacation is that we get to sleep in. It should be illegal for girlfriends to wake their boyfriends up before 9am on Christmas Day."

"Well, you're not one for following the rules and I'm a very special kind of girlfriend," Rachel teases as she runs her fingers up his muscular chest and lingers on the tattoo he has there. Her fingers feel light and cool and he can't stop grinning.

"You are," He agrees. Dean had been pleasantly surprised yesterday when he noticed gifts for him and Sam wrapped under the tree, with envelopes on them, written in Rachel's bold writing. There's never been enough money in the Winchester family to go all out with presents, so he's curious to see what Rachel has gotten for him and Sammy. He'd like to go open them, but at this moment, he's more interested in his hot girlfriend sitting on his lap and he's touched by her generosity and how sweet she can be. He sits up and brings her closer to him before telling her softly, "You've made this holiday pretty special for me so far, sweetheart."

Rachel beams at the sincere compliment as she wraps her arms around his neck. "I wanted to. But right now, I want you to open your presents downstairs."

"Presents can wait, babe; they'll still be there by the time we make it downstairs." Dean counters, and he makes good on the response by flipping them over so that he's on top as she laughs. He stops her in the middle of her laugh by capturing her lips with his, and Rachel responds eagerly and passionately and then all thoughts of presents downstairs are forgotten. Dean decided right there and then that it was the best way he's ever been woken up on a Christmas morning.

*

Dean pokes his head in to find only Sammy in the kitchen. All he knows is that Rachel's been in the kitchen for most of the afternoon, cooking, and when he had poked his head into ask her how he could help, she had only shooed him away and told him to take a shower and wear his grey dress pants and the nice black shirt she had gotten him for this birthday. He had been in the shower in the bathroom downstairs and dressing for dinner in the clothes she had requested, the grey dress pants and the black shirt tucked into it with a belt she had given him for his birthday, so when he came downstairs he was surprised to not see her there.

"Where's Rachel, Sam?"

"Getting ready for dinner," Sam replies. He sees Sam fussing around with some of the pots and pans Rachel still has on the stove, and he's amused that his brother and his girlfriend have been able to team up together in order to celebrate the one-year anniversary that he and Rachel have been together. "Dean, could you help set the table?"

Dean complies, and the two brothers work quietly in comfortable silence until he hears Rachel coming down the stairs. She's breathtaking: she's dressed in a cerulean blue cocktail dress with spaghetti straps that ends just at her knees and clings to all her curves matched with a pair of stilettos, and he grins when he sees her amulet peaking out at the top of her cleavage. Her beautiful red hair is down and long, nicely styled with the ends slightly curled and her make-up is flawless. He walks over to the stairs, offers her a hand to help her down, and when she takes it, Dean's heart can't help but skip a beat as she's descending the last few steps and her hand is in his.

"You're beautiful," He tells her softly. Normally Dean would roll his eyes at how cheesy he sounds but this week in Colorado seems almost too good to be true and so surreal, and even if he's not normally a romantic type of a guy, Rachel continues to surprise with him with the facets he reveals when he's around her.

"Thank you," She replies with a genuine smile. "You look very handsome."

Dean grins back cockily. "I always do."

She rolls her eyes in a good-natured fashion, but she's still smiling at him. They walk over to the kitchen, hand in hand, and they all bring out the food. His mouth starts watering when he sees what Rachel's spent the afternoon preparing: there's a roasted rack of lamb, garlic mashed potatoes, vegetables, and fresh dinner rolls. Rachel's also brought out a bottle of red wine for their meal. They spend the meal enjoying each other's company and eating leisurely; usually when they're on the hunt they don't have time to enjoy leisurely meals, so this is rare. Rachel's a marvellous cook, he didn't know where she had learned to cook like that until she told him about how she picked up her culinary skills by travelling around and living with her parents in different places, including in Europe. The food is delicious and so is the wine. He can't stop flirting with Rachel, and between the wine and the compliments he keeps giving her, Rachel is quite flushed by the end of dinner. When Sam excuses himself and goes into the kitchen to put his plate away, Rachel gets up from the table, weaves her way around to where he's sitting, and she takes a seat in his lap and wraps her arms around his neck. He keeps a firm hold on her waist and steadies her, taking the opportunity to check her out and admire how beautiful she is.

"I've never seen you wear this dress before," He starts, rubbing his hand on the dress fabric over her stomach gently. "You look amazing."

"Well, it was before the hunts," Rachel admits. "I don't have a lot of these kinds of clothes now."

He swallows, suddenly feeling a bit uncomfortable as he asks her the question that's been nagging on his mind since they've gotten to Colorado, especially when he sees her so carefree and happy away from the hunts.

"Do you ever regret," He waves his hand vaguely around them, "Not having this all the time? Do you wish you were with a normal guy and that you could have trips like this whenever you want?"

Rachel looks straight into his eyes, and tells him, as serious as can be, tilting his chin up with her finger,

"If it means not having you, I would never want that."

Before he can say anything, Sam comes back and shoos them out of the dining room, saying that he would be happy to clean up since Rachel had cooked the entire meal and it was their anniversary anyways. Dean shoots his brother a grateful smile, and then he and Rachel walk over to the living room and seat themselves on the settee in front of the fireplace before Dean pulls her close to him. He initiates a kiss, passionate and wanting, and pretty soon Rachel finds herself in his lap and he's got his hands all over her back and she's returning his kisses hungrily.

"I want to be that guy who can protect you and give you normal one day, Rachel," He murmurs to her in between kisses. He's had enough to drink that he feels more talkative and relaxed than usual, and between the wine and the intoxicating effect of Rachel's soft and passionate kisses, he's more loose about expressing his thoughts. "I sometimes think about getting a job that doesn't involve killing evil sons of bitches or travelling all over the States, taking you out on dates where you can wear beautiful dresses like this and those high heeled shoes I know you love, celebrating Christmas holidays with you and Sammy and my Dad, and being able to come home to you,"

They're both breathing heavily, slightly out of breath from their shared kisses.

"You'd still want to hunt those evil sons-of-bitches, though," She replies, her arms still around his neck, "Dean, I know you. I know that the Dean with a normal job who works in an office isn't the Dean Winchester I know and love. I don't want some trust-fund version of Dean Winchester, because that's not _you_. I'm with you because it's _you_ and not just what you do. I can't be some girlfriend who just waits for you at home where it's safe because I don't want to be that girl. I don't want to be your safe girl, Dean, I want to be your _only_ girl and that means experiencing life with you, including the hunting of 'scary sons-of-bitches'."

He chuckles because even though the normal life sounds appealing, Rachel still manages to get to the heart of the issue within a matter of seconds and she knows where she stands. The reality is he's never really known what normal is like; he's always been socialized into a life of hunting and a life of being on the run, living at the edge, getting a glimpse of normalcy only through the lives of the people he's helped over the years. To hear her say that she doesn't want to be his safe girl, that she wants to share everything with him swells his heart with pride and he doesn't think he could love her any more than in this moment. However, he can't help but blurt out,

"Babe, when I see how happy you are here and how relaxed you are, I want that for you." He knows that she's brave and she's got enough attitude to take on even the toughest sons of bitches in the game, but it's not easy to go from being pampered and rich to living hunt to hunt, and always on the move. "I feel bad that you have to live a dangerous life doing something that won't ever get the money to even come close to the life that you used to have. I know you miss some of this babe, and that's okay."

Rachel looks at him for a few moments in silence and he can see that she's thinking. When she finally speaks, she says seriously,

"Dean, I… I didn't share the chalet to make you feel like you have to somehow get this for me, or that's somehow what I expect from you in the future." She wounds her arms a bit tighter around his neck. "I shared this with you and Sammy because I felt that this is one of the safest places when I was growing up and coming here reminds me of that. You and Sam are like my family now and I want you to be a part of these memories. I did it because I wanted to let you in and I wanted you to see all of me, not just the Rachel that most of the world sees."

Now he understands. He understands everything- why she was insistent that they went through all the rituals of Christmas, no matter how cheesy he thought they were, why she went out of her way to buy presents for him and Sam, and why they've been doing a lot of things they normally don't do, like winter sports or watching movies. This was a side of Rachel that no one had ever seen, and this was a side of Rachel that had been hidden long beneath her 'party girl' façade, and this was a glimpse of a Rachel who used to be innocent.

"Dean, I don't want you to feel pressured that you have to somehow make money in order to support me or to make me happy," She continues. "My parents thought that they could eventually replace parenting with a trust fund and unlimited credit cards. They stopped spending time with me and started to give me money instead. I thought it was because they stopped loving me. After that, I was out looking for guys to distract me from dealing with that and for guys to sleep with because I was so lonely and I needed to feel loved from somebody, even if it was a guy who just wanted to use me for my body."

Her voice chokes a bit, and Dean can't help but bring her closer to him. He knew that when he had met her, he only wanted her for her looks and body but he knows that he's not that guy now.

"Rachel," He says softly, "We share so much more than just physical attraction. I'm not that kind of a guy any more."

"I know that now, Dean," She replies gently.

This is the right moment that he's been waiting for- they're close together, Rachel is in a mood to be open about her feelings and they're having an honest conversation about their relationship. He takes a deep breath, and tells her,

"Babe, I know that I didn't give you a Christmas present yesterday and I told you that you had to wait."

He takes out the silver bracelet that's in his pocket, and he sees Rachel's eyes light up.

"You got that for me?" She asks, slightly awed by the bracelet. She knows that he doesn't have this kind of money to buy a present like this.

"Yes, this is for you." He hands it over to her, letting her look at it in greater detail. "This is a bracelet that my mother owned, and one that she loved a lot. My Dad,"

He stumbles on his words because this part is still difficult for him and he's still struggling with all of the emotions inside of him,

"My Dad gave it to me because it's one of the few things I have left of my Mom. She loved this bracelet very much and I know that she would have wanted me to give this to someone whom I love."

His eyes suddenly blur with tears that spring unbidden to his eyes. He blinks them away and takes a deep breath to compose himself. When he turns to look back at Rachel, she's looking at him with a look that he's never seen on her before- she's looking at him with so much love in her eyes that Dean is nearly overcome by the amount of emotion in them because no one has ever looked at him like that before.

"Rachel, I think you know my feelings for you. You know that I love you in a way that I have never loved anyone." He says, taking her hand and gently taking the bracelet into his hand to put it on her. "I want you to have this bracelet because this means I'm giving you all of me."

He swallows and then realizes that he really means it. He's shared his life with her, he's given her his body and his heart and all of who he is, and now he's giving her the rest of him, including the part that he keeps locked inside of him, such as his family and its related issues: the joys, the sorrows, the angst, and everything in between.

"Thank you," Rachel says simply, gently cupping his cheek in her hand and initiating a passionate but slow kiss that he gently breaks off before he puts the bracelet on her, their eyes never breaking contact with each other as he gently slides it onto her wrist and fastens the tiny clasp.

The bracelet sparkles in the firelight, and he looks at Rachel again, with her bright red hair, lightly curled at the ends, her chocolate brown eyes looking at him with so much love in them, how sexy she looks in her blue cocktail dress with her generous cleavage and the amulet he gave her a year ago nestled snugly in between her breasts and her long shapely legs dangling off the settee. He doesn't think she could ever look more beautiful than she does now and he's quiet for a few moments, trying to capture this image of her in his mind.

Rachel gives him the gentlest of kisses when she brushes her lips against him.

"I love you too."

Dean holds out his hand to Rachel again, and as she takes it, he leads them both off the settee and out of the living room, making their way to their room upstairs, hand in hand, no words needed. They don't have that much time left in Colorado, and Dean doesn't want to waste it.

An hour later, they're tangled up in the sheets naked together, drawing warmth from each other and Rachel's got one of her hands tangled up in his hair as they exchange slow and sated kisses. The only items of clothing she has on are the amulet and the bracelet he gave her and as Dean looks her up and down, he realizes that he could get used to seeing this from every day on out.

*

_Author's Note: This is coming to an end, folks! It was only meant to be a 3 or 4 chapter story at most, as I didn't want this to drag on forever. I simply wanted to explore the nuances of their relationship and to provide a snapshot of their love, their arguments, their bantering, and the feelings they are beginning to understand in themselves. I will do a 4th chapter or possible epilogue though. Thanks for all your reviews and for reading! _


	4. Epilogue

Title: A Winter's Song

Author: Izzychase

Summary: Dean, Rachel, and Sam spend Christmas together. Inspiration drawn from Sarah McLachlan's tracks "Wintersong" and "A Song for a Winter's Night".

Author's notes: This is the epilogue, folks! Thank you for all your reviews. This was one of my favorite stories to write, and it echoed the themes I started to explore with Rachel/Dean in "Reflections Road". I'm proud of this one, and I hope you'll like it too.

*

It's a bright day outside- the winter mountain air feels pure and crisp to Dean and as he inhales it into his lungs, he's knows that he's going to miss this when they're driving through the Midwest again, with its dryness and stale air that hangs oppressively low in the sky. The tranquility of the mountains, with its pristine forests and untamed trails, crisp and sharp air complementing clear skies that let him see the full glory of the stars at night has seeped into his heart, the one which has too often been broken and bruised by all the darkness and death and despair that he sees around him and the sense of quiet peace that washes over him is gentle. He looks around, and he knows that everything else will seem not as pure and clean in comparison when they start making the drive down the mountains, out of Denver, and out of Colorado.

He takes another glance around the chalet that's been his home for the past week, and he realizes that he's going to miss this place more than he thought he would when he had first arrived. He's realistic; he knows that this week hasn't "saved" Christmas for him, and they still haven't found Dad, but this week has healed him in ways that he wouldn't even have guessed. Dean hadn't realized how much he missed simply enjoying the pleasure of laughing and having fun- he's never seen Rachel so playful, carefree, and relaxed and he hasn't certainly been that way since he had grown out of his innocence and youth. All the things that had seemed frivolous to him in the past, such as decorating a Christmas tree or baking cookies for Christmas or even enjoying a movie, weren't so bad after all. And he will never admit it to anyone except for Rachel, but he's even enjoyed the romance that's taken place in this week- all the fireside make-out sessions, making love to Rachel on Christmas morning, and the warm kisses that contrasted with the sharp and cold winter air as they've spent time together outside.

It's pretty special that Rachel is the girl who brings all of these things out in him. This past week he's opened up more to Rachel and talked about his feelings more than he ever could have imagined, and even if some of those feelings had been hidden deep within him only needing her candor and honesty to bring them to the forefront, he's glad he did. The longer they've been together, Dean finds that he's revealing more and more of himself to her, even depths that he hadn't even realized were locked away- and every time, she's proven that she could stand by him and deal with the issues.

Adjusting his Oakley sunglasses (a Christmas present from Rachel), he throws the last of the bags in the trunk and takes a quick look around, trying to memorize the look of this fine winter morning. He's driving down this mountain a different man- he's not going to be a sap in the same way that he makes fun of Sammy for, but he's not a man whose feelings and emotions are locked away inside. This week up in the mountains, away from the chaotic inconsistency that marks his life, had changed him, even if it doesn't show when he resumes his tough hunter's facade as soon as they leave Colorado.

Sammy ambles up to the car, looking pleased in the toque, scarf, and gloves that Rachel got him for Christmas and Dean grins at him. The brothers don't have to talk in moments like these- they've been brothers for so long that they can enjoy companionable silence that can communicate volumes more than mere words can express. Rachel follows next, looking beautiful with her bright red hair contrasting against her long winter down coat and her high winter boots. He holds out his hand towards her, and as she takes it, her silver bracelet glints in the winter sunshine. It's a bit too bright for a moment, but when his eyes adjust to the sparkle of the pure silver, he holds this memory forever in his heart- the glint of the bracelet, the twinkle in her chocolate brown eyes as she gives him a brilliant smile, the warmth of her hand as her fingers intertwine with his, an unspoken promise that together they can face the next hunt, the next threat, the next day, and every day afterwards in this life.

END


End file.
